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Question
13 Dec 2005
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Dealing with HIV and new relationships
I'm recently divorced. i am HIv+ and would like to know how to handle this issue in any new relationship. I did meet someone and is so scared of the rejection if been told the truth. The relationship is not physical yet, but is on its way. Should i tell or not. I just don't know what to do????
Hi Angel!
This is really tough, since despite your desire to be open and honest with your partner, rejection is a real possibility.
In trying to help you, I can't make the decision to disclose or not to, but maybe just give some pointers.
1. Avoiding rejection: I believe that solid, loving relationships are built on good communication and knowing one another very well. This seems to be a new relationship, so before disclosing, have lots of safe fun and many deep conversations getting to know one another. Consider delaying sexual intercourse -- its a sacrifice worth making while building the foundation of your relationship.
2. Your responsabilities: Having unprotected sex without disclosing to your partner is not an option. Using a condom would be somewhat safer, but could still lead to resentment when you do eventually disclose. I believe that the moment for disclosure in the ideal case scenario is when the relationship is loving and solid but does not yet include full sexual intercourse. This process requires disciplin and patience and lots of love from both sides.
3. The scenario is not always ideal: Things are usually a whole lot messier than in the clear-cut model I suggest above. Our fears and desires do get in the way. Please consider regular counselling to help you deal with this important issue.
I hope that your man will see the Angel in you and accept you as you are.
Keep strong!
Laurent
This is really tough, since despite your desire to be open and honest with your partner, rejection is a real possibility.
In trying to help you, I can't make the decision to disclose or not to, but maybe just give some pointers.
1. Avoiding rejection: I believe that solid, loving relationships are built on good communication and knowing one another very well. This seems to be a new relationship, so before disclosing, have lots of safe fun and many deep conversations getting to know one another. Consider delaying sexual intercourse -- its a sacrifice worth making while building the foundation of your relationship.
2. Your responsabilities: Having unprotected sex without disclosing to your partner is not an option. Using a condom would be somewhat safer, but could still lead to resentment when you do eventually disclose. I believe that the moment for disclosure in the ideal case scenario is when the relationship is loving and solid but does not yet include full sexual intercourse. This process requires disciplin and patience and lots of love from both sides.
3. The scenario is not always ideal: Things are usually a whole lot messier than in the clear-cut model I suggest above. Our fears and desires do get in the way. Please consider regular counselling to help you deal with this important issue.
I hope that your man will see the Angel in you and accept you as you are.
Keep strong!
Laurent
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