Ask an expert
Question

13 Dec 2005

Dealing with HIV and new relationships
I'm recently divorced. i am HIv+ and would like to know how to handle this issue in any new relationship. I did meet someone and is so scared of the rejection if been told the truth. The relationship is not physical yet, but is on its way. Should i tell or not. I just don't know what to do????
Answer 386 views
Expert
HIV Counsellor

01 Jan 0001

Hi Angel!

This is really tough, since despite your desire to be open and honest with your partner, rejection is a real possibility.

In trying to help you, I can't make the decision to disclose or not to, but maybe just give some pointers.

1. Avoiding rejection: I believe that solid, loving relationships are built on good communication and knowing one another very well. This seems to be a new relationship, so before disclosing, have lots of safe fun and many deep conversations getting to know one another. Consider delaying sexual intercourse -- its a sacrifice worth making while building the foundation of your relationship.

2. Your responsabilities: Having unprotected sex without disclosing to your partner is not an option. Using a condom would be somewhat safer, but could still lead to resentment when you do eventually disclose. I believe that the moment for disclosure in the ideal case scenario is when the relationship is loving and solid but does not yet include full sexual intercourse. This process requires disciplin and patience and lots of love from both sides.

3. The scenario is not always ideal: Things are usually a whole lot messier than in the clear-cut model I suggest above. Our fears and desires do get in the way. Please consider regular counselling to help you deal with this important issue.

I hope that your man will see the Angel in you and accept you as you are.

Keep strong!
Laurent
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9324 votes
No
67% - 18746 votes
Vote