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03 Feb 2009

death of child
Good Day

My fiance and I had twins to years ago and they lived for 9 and 13 days respectovely and passed away. We both went to a few counselling sessions but I am not ok and I dont think he is either. we are not breaking down or anything but its a sad thing to both of us still .He is looking for answers and I am feeling quite guilty abouth their passing. I had 3 abortions some years before I had them. I planned to be pregnant with them so was quite hurt when they did not survive. My fiance cant bond with other children and when we r with friends will often ask why their children are healthy. he does not know about the abortions as they are from a previous relationship. what do i do?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Counselling is a good idea right now. THe complex effects of grief may show themselves a year or two later, and not necessarily immediately after the loss. Intellectually, it's easy for you to realize that you are not responsible for their deaths, and had no such intention --- but emotionally, one may still feel guilty, and counselling can help you to deal with this. See a counsellor for yourself ( FAMSA can help you find a good one nearby ) and maybe invite your fiancee to join you in some sessions, once you have sorted out your own main issues
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