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30 Jul 2010

my husb wants a divorce yet wont action it, when i tried to talk in a civil manner re what who must get and when (2 kids involved) he turned around and said that i must not proceed with a lawyer because we should first pay off all the debt b4 getting a divorce??? debt meaning the house we own, the two cars that we own but are not paid off and i assume he has cr card debt. I have no debt so its all his. We are married ANC with accrual both coming into the marriage with NIL.

i got the feeling this was a ploye to delay the proceedings on my part even though its what he says he wants but nevr actions. Two i felt like there was sum way in which he will benefit if debt is paid up and maybe i will be worse off because of it. He spoke of selling the two current cars and downgrading them??? I dont understand why i should agr to that because i would prefer to keep my current car as its safe for the kids given i am not a good driver and have bad eyesight. So pls give me your opinion as maybe i am not seein this the way he is and maybe there would be benefit to me should the debt first be paid off before a divorce? how do i know if he is not just being manipulative given that he is power and money hungry. My gutt feel says he wont divorce wants to have double life at my expense but threatens me with divorce to shut me up. He wont because it will cost him too much financially and he is too selfish. I am not employed by mutual agreemnt he also said i had to find a job b4 we divorce, i really dont see why all this nds to be done upfront when i can find a job when i am less stressed anyway since he CAN afford to pay me maintenance and we had agrd that i would not work for 5 years meaning i still have another yr to go??? surely these agrmnts should be in my favour now esp since i dont want the divorce i am doin it because he has made it clear its what he wants.... pls help me to see this objectively.
Answer 455 views
Family law expert
family law expert

01 Jan 0001

I think it is important that you consult an attorney, i.e if you made the decision to get divorced. It makes no sense to work off the debt prior to getting divorced, in fact as you stated, it is his debt. On dissolution of the marriage by divorce, the value of the assets obtained during the marriage (the accrual) will be shared equally. The accrual is determined by calculating the difference in the net starting value and the net final value of the estate of each spouse with the exclusion of inheritances, legacies and donations. On dissolution of the marriage the value of the difference in the accrual of the two estates, taking inflation into account, is then divided equally.

Bertus Preller
Family Law Attorney
KWJ Inc.
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