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26 Jan 2003

Devistated-dont want to lose him.
Hi Doc,
I am struggling to deal with the fact that my boyfriend is leaving the country, and he says its for good. Our relationship is almost 4 years old. At the begining of 2002 he told me he was moving to Cape Town because it would really benefit his career, which it has up until now. This broke my heart and we decided to break up because he felt we needed a break from each other and he didnt fancy the idea of a long distance relationship. Then we saw each other last July, and got back together because to be only friends was weird and we couldnt be like that when ever we ran into each other. We have always been very close, and still are. He is the one who knows me inside out and back to front. So our relationship continued over long distance- i would visit him in Cape Town as often as i could and he would come to Jhb for work. He recently told me that he is getting bored again and tired of doing the same thing over and over again and was also not happy with his salary.Many of his collegues have resigned and moved to the UK for greener pasturers. His sister moved to the UK last year and is fairly happy with a good job. So now he is planning to leave in March and i am absolutely devistated. I've got used to only seeing him every few months or so and being able to pick up the phone whenever i want to, to talk to him, and now its a little expensive to just do that. We are still very close and love each other very much.I dont want to lose him and wish i could still have a relationship him but is it rediculous manage one over such a long distance. I just dont know how i am suposed to 'let go' of someone i love so much?? I do agree that if you love something so much, let it fly and it will come back to you, and if it doesnt-it was never meant to be. I cant imagine myself or him being with anyone else. I believe in trusting your gut, and mine says that this is not the end for us. But how do i deal with my broken heart now. Its difficult because, he is quite an introvert with his emotions, ive only seen him cry once in 4 years, so when i break down he closes up and doesnt say or do much,purely because i think he doesnt know what to do. I know he loves me.I love him more than anything in this world and i wish i could just get on a plane and go with, but i dont know what i want to do with my life yet as i only finish studying at the end of this year or maybe even next year. This is a very hard time for me as i think about it constantly and everything reminds me of him. If anyone is or has been/going thru the same thing- pls pls tell me how you did/didnt get thru it. Doc i would greatly appreciate a response from you too if poss. Thanks for your time.
Answer 440 views

01 Jan 0001

CR, I’m sorry but there is no medicine I can prescribe for your problem. I’m no expert when it comes to matters of the heart, but I would think that if he loved you as much as you love him, he wouldn’t have been so nonchalant about going to the UK. Maybe the best would be to let him go and see what happens. He will have to find out how lonely it can be without the one you love sooner or later, and in this case I think sooner is better than later. My honest feeling is that he is immature or selfish, or that he doesn’t love you as much as you think. I know that my words may hurt, but maybe it’s time that you think about these things. Good luck and I hope that everything turns out OK.
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