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09 Aug 2007

Diagnosed
I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, after having lived a life of madness, feelings of self-hate, suicidal thoughts, immediately turning to feeling high and powerful, indestructable. Finally, someone helped me - and I am looking forward to feeling 'normal' for the first time in my life. I have lost a husband and countless relationships through the years because of it, have turned to self-mutilation because of the feeling of worthlessness.

In the past, I have done things and said things that I am ashamed of - alcohol abuse, promiscious lifestyle, hurting people with my words and actions. I am so ashamed, but I know now - after having read about the illness and working with my phsyciatrist, that those are clear signs of bipolarity and they go hand in hand.

I just want to know, do I go back on my footsteps and ask for forgiveness for my erratic and hurtful and embarrasing behaviour? Would people undertsand and forgive me? I want to be able to look people in the eyes again. Or do I simply move forward?

I am so full of hope, so relieved to know what the matter is - turned out that, yes, I am crazy! But at least I know I can be helped
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Firstly, its good to hear that you seem to have received a useful diagnosis at last, and are working well with your psychiatrist to get it under control. I'm not sure that trying to apologise to everyone you hurt in the past is likely to be useful rather than startling to them ( sounds a bit like the seire My Name is Earl !). The most important step would surely be to start by forgiving yourself, and to act an apology by acting differently from now on. If specific individuals have been specifically hurt and still seem to feel bad about it and bad towards you, a particular chat with them might be helpful --- but discuss this, and plan how to do it, with your owwn psychiatrist, who presumably knows what has been happening.
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