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20 Sep 2009

Difficult Teen
I' m involved with a single Mom who has an early teen daughter, who is basically a good kid, but resents my involvement with her Mom. I have been trying to " win her over"  by including her in our plans treating her to events , dinners, special treats etc in the hope of breaking the ice. However I am concerned that I am being manipulated by this young lady who takes takes and takes, but her attitude towards me remains unchanged. Am I rewarding what I consider to be her bad behaviour ? How do I approach this without appearing to be harsh , uncaring or overbearing and making it clear to her that I will not be manipulated ? I really need some help on this.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Of course it's not unusual for the children of a single or divorced mother, especially reenagers, to resent ANYONE else who starts to form a relationship witgh the mother. And they can become very manipulative, nakedly taxing your time spent with the mother, and expecting rewards ( especially unearned rewards !) You're right, you may well, with the best of intentions, be rewarding bad behaviour on her part.
You and the mother need to discuss this properly betwen you, and take a clear and united approach. Useful comments so far from readers. Probably the pair of you need to have a comfortable, calm sit-down chat with the kid, explaining that you both see her as a good kid, a nd understand that she could feel wary of anyone forming a relationship with her mom, but that you two, as adults, intend to spend time together, and would also like to spend some time with her, so she can get to know you and understand why her mother likes you.
This should include more family type contacts, rather than special and unusual treats
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