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07 Jan 2003

Disabled
Hi...

My wife is disabled from the neck down after being shot by armed intruders( 3 Years Ago).... although we have tried...I cannot make love to her....not only physically (Although in a way it is possible), but emotionally it does not appeal to me...She has insisted that I get a girlfriend, but I feel that by doing this I will betray her... Any Advice?
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Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

Men often tend to seperate sex and intimacy to maintain their masculine identity. It is by means of this seperation that men believe they can control threats to thier masculinity. Is achieving orgasm with a woman the way to affiriming self-esteem amd masculine identity. What is at the root of all this?? Is it a fear of vulnerability and rejection?
I'm wondering how things would have been if you were the quadraplegic and she didn't feel like making love to you. What happened to her is a tragedy, but many people with disabilities can still make love. So it sounds more like you don't want to.
What does girlfriend mean?? Just someone to have sex with, or will this be a relationship.
Does the fact that she's given you permission make the decision easier. And again, I want you to imagine if the situation was reversed, would you have given her permission to have a boyfriend.
Have the two of you been for marriage therapy or any form of counselling?
I would suggest the magazine called Rolling Inspirations, a wonderful quarterly publication that deals with lifestyle issues for people in chairs. Also contact FAMSA or the SA Sexual Health Association 0860 100 262
Good luck
Dr Elna McIntosh
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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