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24 Jan 2008

Divorce and young child
I am currently separated and proceeding with a divorce. I am really concerned about my son and the impact this has had on him. What steps can I take to make things easier on him. He is 4yrs old and does not understand the situation. Stays with his mother and i only see him on the weekend and speak to him on the phone during the week,<br>my ex wife is not reasonable and trying to talk to her about our son normally end up with her trying to blame me for the entire situation and does not want to accept that she was also a reason for the seperation and divorce. <br><br>Any advise will be appreciated.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Separation and divorce is rarely entirely the fault of one member of the couple, but often someone really wants to avoid facing any contribution they made to the situation, and to solely blame the other partner. However, your primary question is about the child. It is sad if your wife doesn't place his interests first, and she should be invited to recognize that it doesn't matter whose "fault" this was, it's a situation in which you both need to work together to minimize the distress caused to him, and to keep any adult squabbles for times and places outside of his hearing. Most kids seem to cope with separation an divorce better than one might expect, but need a calm atmosphere, and an explanation within terms they can understand, and consistent emotional support from both parents. Remind her pleasantly, that while you can divorce each other, neither of you divorce the child. Be open to any questions he may have.
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