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09 Dec 2004

does he want me for my money or love
I got engaged four months ago, to a guy I only know 2months out of those four months. Our relationship started off very rocky, with him being nasty towards me for no apparent reason. He broke off the engagement twice and to be honets I tried to make an excuse by saying its just anxiety and it was normal, because I also had doubts. Eventually we both ascribed the petty squablles we were having to the fact that we are still in the process of getting to know one another. As time went by, our relationship improved. However, I am staring to wonder if the inprovement is not possibly due to the fact that I am in the process of resigning, and having been open about my pension payout and other monies due to me, totalling close to R200 000, I am wondering if his change in attitude was helped along by the prospect of all this money coming into the marriage. He has a good job, earns a reasonably good salary, but not particularly rolling in money. He has been asking me to deposit money into his credit card to help him pay it off, he even mentioned the possibility of using my money to put down a deposit on our house. I told him I didnt want to use big chunks of my money like that and should in fact be investing it into a retirement annuity as soon as its paid out. He didnt seem happy with that suggestion. I just feel that my opennes about my financial status has put me in a difficult position because I dont know whether his actions are sincere or not. Money isnt everything to me but I worked many long hard years for that money and at 28, I dont see m yself squandering it all on things that he initially accepted responsibility for, like buying the house and the decision to buy my ring on his credit card. Am I being paranoid? Shou;d I trust my fiance feelings for me as genuine? We are getting married ANC so thats at least a consolation, but I would still have to share it with him, so what do I do?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

He sounds mercenary to me, and I think getting engaged so ridiculously rapidly, when he knew and cared little about you but maybe too much about the R 200l coming in, was hardly a wise choice. Dont you dare spend a cent on paying off his credit card bills, or on a house for him to share. Why would you want to be ebgaged to such a creep ? Invest your money well, and without a thought for his wishes. And to expect you to pay for the engagement ring ? Give him the ring back, and look for a man who actuually feels more fond of you than of your wallet.
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