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07 Mar 2003

Does rape have an influence on a relationship?
I would like to know, my girlfriend of two years have been raped about three months before we met. Now she says she does not love me anymore and all of that is my fault because I gave her too much love and I smothered her. I want to know can this be all my fault or would being raped have an influence? according to her the rape has no influence on us and I hurt her emotionally much more than the rape ever did, just because of me loveing her too much.

Please help me. Is this just all my fault or what can it be? I really want to know because I am hurt and sick and tired of being said that I am the one responsible for all that has gone wrong in our relationship.

Please help
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Hurt,
Let's see what other readers have to say here. In a relationship, it is rare ( if indeed it is ever the case ) that problems are entirely the fault of one of the two people involved. Loving too much, in emotional terms, wouldn't be harmful ; but perhaps being smothering, over-controlling, over-protective, might become irritating to the loved one. Rape can have a range of effects, which can include feelings of concern when any relationship sarts to get closer and more intimate, either physically or emotionally ; which is why it is wise for anyone who has experienced rape, to undergo a period of counselling, to work through the issues it may have caused them.
Clearly, you feel hurt ; and with some good reason. In an argument, we too often choose words that we know will be wounding, even if they're not true ; and the suggestion that being loved is moe hurtful than rape, suggests someone with significant problems in giving and accepting, love.
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