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21 Feb 2003

Effects of abuse
I was married and still have to deal with a woman that went through physical, sexual and psycholocal abuse as a child. We have 2 children (girls in their early teens) who stay with me. During our time together my x were often very depressed, didn't trust men not even me and often made threats of killing herself. She was unwilling to go for councilling and denied the existance of problems e.g. a drinking problem she developed but got rid of after a couple of months. She told me about her abuse, then denied that she ever told me anything like that, then again told me the whole story and how her mother did nothing to stop it......I can keep writing examples of this for pages. My question is, how do I shield my children from her. She don't want them to have friends in fact when boys are involved I believe she can be dangerous. Wherever she go or stay, everyone especially women become a threat to her, she see them as "against her" and shielding the "sun" away from her.

How should I handle this woman. I was her second husband, she also have a daughter born out of her first marriage. She has a very poor relationship with the child. I have simpathy for her, it was'nt her fault that adults messed up her mind when she was a little girl but feel that I have to shield my kids from her. The kids are staying with me after we reached a mutual agreement due to her current situation. She asked me if she could come and stay with us which I refused it ended in a huge argument. I just don't have the "guts" to handle her anymore. Please give me advice. Is it possible that she became schizophrenic?

Will child molesters ever know what the snow ball efect of their sick deeds are??
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Exp,
Child abuse neither causes schizophrenia, nor prevents it ; so of course she might have any variety of problem quite independent of what happened to her as a child ; or problems caused by or complicated by, her abusive experiences.
From he sound of it there are predominantly severe personality problems, which can be trated efectively, though this is not an easy process, and of course it is impossible to treat unless the person acknowledges that there are such problems and agrees to sincerely participate in seeking solutions for them.
As you say it is awful that she was to whatever extent messed up by selfish and uncaring people when she was younger ; and it is also sad that some people ater such experiences, in their misguided attempts to protect their own children from similar problems, may actually cause similar problems.
Is it possible (a) to considr counselling for yourslf and the kids, so as to sort out your own best way to cope with this situation, and protect yourselves ; and (b) to press her to acept counselling for herself as a condition for access to the children and yourself ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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