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27 Feb 2003

ex-family nightmare
my husband and i have been together now 4 yrs his two sons live with us(his ex-wife had custody) but his ex-mother convinced his ex-wife to give her their daughter which she refuses to allows us to see or speak to his ex-wife will do nothing what can we do is this normal she is so obssed with the fact the he divorced her daughter that she is using this to destory any relationship with him and his daughter
Answer 383 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear 2b,
It is a recurrent tragedy that so many people, both the primary participants( husband and wife ) and the more secondary ones ( parents, friends ) so often choose to use the childen as weapons to carry out their decided mission to hurt the adult that has displeased them, rather than accepting that while adults must sort out their squabbles themselves, they are NEVER ever justified in causing harm and distress to the children, to serve the twisted satisfactons of the adults.
The issue of what can be done is a legal one, and you'd need legal advice about that. One wonders for what reason the Court originally granted custody of the three children to the wife ( sometimes there are good reasons, sometimes it's unthinking, reflex, and foolish, but the Courts are far from infallible). It seems odd then, if there is such biterness between them, that the ex gave the sons into her exhusband's care. One might want to check the legal implications of this, and to see if there's some way to prevent her from frivolously reversing this decision.
It further sounds odd for the exwife to apparently not take care of the daughter herself, but to give the child to her mother.
I understand that after some recent major legal decisions, there are fresh and more powerful grounds to seek a legal requirement that no spouse may unreasonably prevent ( or allow someone else to prevent ! ) an ex from proper access to the children. So do discuss this with a good lawyer, and perhaps with someone in the Family Advocate system.
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