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28 Feb 2003

Falling in love
Just a silly question - when I look around me, I see people who are already involved or even married and they fall in love with other people and start affairs etc. Although I don't agree, this is not my business. However, I want to know whether you can control falling in love or is it something that will happen no matter what? Can you stop yourself falling in love with someone else? Know it sounds dumb but want to understand why this seems to happen to people all the time.
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CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Zone, I'd focus a bit differently. It's difficult to control one's emotions, like love --- but it is definitely possible to control your behaviours and actions, i.e what you choose to do about what you feel.
So, you may find yourself feling a strong sense of attraction towards someone else, for whatever reason ( perhaps love, perhaps something different ). Someone who doesn't bother to learn the skills of self-control and thoughtful planning, may fling themselves at this other person, perhaps rush to bed them, and maybe a week or two later start to wonder whether this was a good idea, both morally and practically ; and find then that it's a much more awkward situation to deal with. Someone else, in the same situation, would noive the feling of attraction, but postpone immedate action in response to the feelings. They'd think it through, get to know the person a bit better, and consider their options and the likely consequences. They may decide to press ahead with a relationship, or not to --- but they'll have a far better chance of making a wider choice, with better results, than the person who rushes off, headlong, in whatever direction heir immediate emotional reactions seem to be pointing.
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