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29 Jun 2011

Family and money
I am the 2nd of 5 kids, when my mom passed on my literally chased me away from home. (Actually used the F word). I had just started a job and left. I have managed to build myself up, as i am still with the same company for the past 13 years. I got divorced, house was repossessed, got hijacked then filed for bankruptcy. I am fortunate enough to say that i have managed to build myself up again and have cleared my name an waiting to buy a car and house for my daughter. However, my problem is this: My sisters think that i am an ATM whenever things go bad for them they will pick up the phone to ask for money, any other time they will not even call to check if im okay - saying they dont have money for airtime. I dont mind helping them, but every single month is a bit much. I dont have a boyfriend / husband and have to budget wisely with my money because i cannot fall back on anyone else. My older sister (35) is an alcoholic and does not support my younger sisters (she lives rent-free in my dad house, she never has money for food but can drink daily), the sister (30) after me is married with 3 kids, unemployed, she will call me weekly to say that her kids have no food, nappies etc. My sister of 24 i offered a job to look after my daughter when she comes from school and she declined because she doesnt want to leave her boyfriend in the city where she lives. (Im in another city). I have stopped giving them money and even lying saying that i dont have because they never pay me back, but at the end of the day i feel really bad because i am concerned that they have nothing to eat. I sacrifice my funtimes to work so that i can make a good life for my daughter and i but they dont seem to see the seriousness of life. Am i right for saying no to them and telling them to get jobs? seems while im around and working they think that they have a cashcow with unlimited finances.
Answer 418 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Just say no. You have done marvellously in coping with the sort of major difficulties where others would have crumbled , but you seem too preoccupied in helping undeserving others rather than yourself. Maybe your daughter should work more towards getting a house for herself ( unles you mean you aim to buiy a house for yourself to share with her ). And why should your sisters get funded by you ? Why can't they take care of themselves ? Just say that you will no longer function as an ATM for them, and have more important things on which to spend you own hard-earned money, and suggest that they should work harder to earn their own money for themselves. And if there are things they want and can't affford, then they should do without these things, and work harder to earn enough to eventually afford them, themselves.
YOu SHOULD mind helping them. They dont deserve it. Apparently it never crosses their minds to think of assisting or supporting you. WHy not ? You are encouraging them in bad habits.
Your older sister neglects her daughter - if the daughter is young enough, maybe this should be reported to child welfare, as she may not be a fit mother. IF she chooses to spend on liquor rather than food, for herself, that's most unfortunate, but it is her choice. And giving her any more money will only go to buy more money, and worsen her problems.
The other sister is married - why doesn't her husband may for the needs of his children ? She should go to the Maintenance Court and have a court compel him to pay, responsibly, for the care of his children. He fathered them, not you.
If your other sister can't be bothered to help you care for her children, don't pay her a peny - why should you subsidize her selfish preference for sitting with her boyfriend ? Why can't he pay for her needs ? Why can't she get a job ?
Stop feeling bad about your VERY wise decision to stop funding them - they don't deserve it at all. If they choose to go hungry, that is their choice, not yours. Is it better that you should go hungry ? Ignore them until they can be bothered to put their own lives in order, and concentrate responsibly on caring for yourself and your daughter.
If people choose not to earn or cae for themselves, they should suffer the consequences of their decisions. Stop helping them to become more selfish and irresponsible
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