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27 Nov 2012

Feeling anxious
I have had a three month break from my bf so that he can sort out his committment issues. This was a very tough time for me and I really tired to get my life back on track without him in it. He has now come back to me and assured me that he wants to move our relationship forward and within a few months get married. I know I should be over joyed with this but I have built these walls to protect myself as I was so hurt as he initially told me to find someone else who could commit to me.

I have gone with the flow long enough and am I correct in asking for specific dates when we are indeed going to move this realtionship to the next level. I am just scared that I get back into our old rountines and again nothing happens. We have been together for over 5 years. He says he would like to take December easy and next year we make plans. I am just feeling anxious and worried that I start building my hopes up only to get let down again.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

These events seem to have been, as it were, UNCOUPLED - as though each of you were marching to a different drummer, and not ready to committ at the same time. Before demanding specific dates, don't you both need to sit down for a long, calm chat about just what each of you expect and hope for, and a broad time-table within which such specifics would fit ?
After 5 years, its not unreasonable for him to demonstrate his sincerity about this latest decision of his, by at least naming a month, and the pair of you can then rest a bit in December and plan more specifically towards that month in the early new year. Also, does he plan to signal the sincerity of his decision, by telling his friands and yours, his family and yours ? If not, why not ?
Before choposing a venue and caterer, this is an important time to explore the realities of the relationship, compatibility in problem-solving styles, and so on.
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