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19 Mar 2003

first time etiquette
Hi Doc

Just wondering what 'etiquette' topics there are when having sex for the first time ie losing virginity or having new sexual partner, besides having a hearty wash to keep everything fresh.

Answer 381 views

01 Jan 0001

The experience of sexual intercourse for the first time can be romantic, exciting, sensual, fun, passionate, awkward, embarrassing, uncomfortable, disappointing, or any combination.

Many women (and their partners) worry about discomfort or pain the first time they have vaginal intercourse, and not all of them have this experience. People have varying levels of tolerance for pain or discomfort. If a woman does have discomfort, she and her partner need to be sure that she is aroused, that she has lubrication, both her own or some extra. If after these ideas, you still feel either discomfort or pain, you can let your husband know, and he can stop doing what is causing you discomfort until you can more comfortably start again.

Another reason for physical discomfort is that you two are just beginning to learn how each of your bodies fit with one another's. The following tips might be fun to experiment with as you both prepare for your first intercourse:

Create a pleasure chest that includes water-based lube, condoms if you aren't using birth control and don't want to get pregnant at this time, the book The Joy of Sex for ideas about a variety of sexual positions, and other products for sex play, such as massage lotion or oil, lingerie, an erotic movie or book, and/or a vibrator.
Focus on touching, kissing, caressing each other in ways that increase arousal before penetration.
Take it slowly.
Talk with each other about what feels good and how you both like to be touched.
Add a dab of water-based lube on the vulva, the opening of the vagina, inside the condom (if he is wearing one) before it is unrolled, and outside on the penis or the condom before penetration. Reapply as often as necessary to ease any discomfort and increase pleasure.
Experiment with various positions.
If an erection goes away, remember it will most certainly come back.
It's not uncommon for the end of the experience to be less extraordinary than expected. Sometimes one or both partners do not orgasm. Other times, a man's erection might not last long or it might come and go, and a woman may be more lubricated at some moments than at others. Taking your time, talking clearly, focusing on how good you two feel, and learning/practicing are the best ways to allow the two of you to enjoy this newfound intimacy together. Even when unexpected events occur, a couple's first experience with intercourse can be meaningful, positive, exciting, pleasurable, and/or fulfilling for many couples. A sense of humour goes a long way, and you have a lifetime together to learn.

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