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09 Dec 2005

Found my relationship a lie on a forum
Hi, I wonder if somebody here could perhaps give some advise and their opinions.

I had to find on a forum, a testosterone/muscle building website, a posting done by my partner.

I am quoting him:

"I wish I could introduce the concept of an `open relationship` to my girlfriend. I love her and she's the only one I want to be in a relationship arrangement with BUT this does not stop me from feeling an extreme drive to desire to have sex with other women."

"it's even reached the point where I'm not that sexually attracted to my girlfriend anymore. My sex drive is very strong though (moreso than when I was 16) and girls half her looks make me salivate. I just have this undeniable urge to want to have sex with other women. I wish I didnt but I do. And I can't see why its such a bad thing either, I would still be there for my girlfriend although she refuses to understand. "

"Im really conflicted and I'm practically denying a huge part of myself for the sake of the gf. "

"I think if I had the freedom to have sex with other girls it would take some of the pressure off me and I would be more inclined to find her sexually attractive again if other needs were met. I found that during previous breakups (we got back together after) to be the case. "

"I don't ask her to side-line her need for security but somehow I'm expected to sideline my need for sex (and variety). As bad as that sounds :) "

"I think the main problem (for me) in allowing her to be with other men would be of her security rather than the actual act of sex. So my protective instinct would kick in. "

"I see my current conflict as a kind of instinct vs cultural conditioning and I can't come to agree that its wrong for me to indulge myself as a man. I don't think I'm suggesting something -neccessarily- harmful. "

Now this I felt extremely upsetting, for the fact that I had to find it on a forum, his dishonesty for not telling me, or even the fact that he wants us to sleep with other people, and does not love me enough to not want me to sleep around. It all seems very unreal to me and sick. Now it is expected of me to have understanding for all of this and allow him to be human, and cater for his instincts. I have left him, huge drama, because how can I be with a man for whom I will never be enough, cos I am just one woman, and he needs variety cos it is natural for him. These instincts override commitment, trust, and everything that goes with that.

Aren't people suppose to fight these instincts for the sake of higher ideals, or for sumthing more pure than just mating like animals?
Answer 421 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

what a pathetic little adolescent kid he is. he sounds like he loves himself more than he loves any woman, and as if he shows no respect for any woman, either.
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