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09 Mar 2004

Friend's alcholic husban
My best friend has been married for 4 years and they have a daughter who is 1 year old. Her husband has been a drinker when they met but things have just gotten worse.
About 2 years ago, he wrote off their only car with drunken driving and ran away from the scene. Luckily nothing further happened - they just had to buy a new car.
My friend is the breadwinner of the family, and she always sits with the predicament of earning the money to pay for his mess.
THis weekend was the last straw, he got arrested for drunken driving and charged with it. He was also charged with resisting arrest and driving away from the scene of an accident. He was in jail for one night.
My friend wants a divorce now as she cant take it anymore (but is very confused as she still loves him). He has promised to seek help at AA for the sake of their marriage. Can you please advise her what to do or should the two of them seek professional help?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear cf,
Surely the two of hem ought to seek professional help. He clearly sounds like an alcoholic with a dangerous impact on his driving, and he has shown no ability to modify or change this despite previous disasters it has caused. Of course he ought to see a psychiatrist for professional help with his alcoholism, and also join AA and become actively involved in it. In such times of disaster, it is all too common for alcoholics to make all sorts of promises, without actually keeping all of them. He may have been sufficiently frightened by this recent arest and the threat to his marriage, to be prepared at long last to take his alcoholism seriosuly and actually seek and participate in proper help for it. And he may also at least have enough sense to realize that it will help him greatly when the case comes to court, if he can give evidence that he has acknowledged his alcoholism and has become seriously involved in treatment for it. She may want to see if he will at last sincerely participate in such proper help and stop his drinking, before making a final decision on the future of the marriage.
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