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Question

20 Jul 2005

Friends
Hi doc

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2.5 years. His best friend, Mr Y, constantly talks negatively about our relationship and in particulary about me. My boyfriend and I are very happy together and have a great relationship. We are even talking about a future together. And even though I know that the things Mr Y says about me in ungrounded it still upsets me? This causes friction between my boyfriend and I. Mr Y and I have never been in a verbal confrontation and I don’t understand why he is so negative towards me (and towards my boyfriend and my relationship). I often invite Mr Y for braai’s, weekends-away with us ect and I do enjoy his company.
After another incidence of him telling my boyfriend that I’m ‘not the one for him’ and ‘too this’ or ‘too that’ I talked with Mr Y and asked him that if he has a problem with me then he should feel free to discuss it with me. I asked him why he is so negative towards me. He only said that there are things in my boyfriend’s and my relationhsip that he is not happy with. But surely that should not bother him as he is not in the relationship and the two people that are in the relationship are actually very very happy?

What’s more is that my boyfriend also doesn’t agree with Mr Y’s comment and judgement about me or about my boyfriend and my relationship. My boyfriend has also tol d him this.
I know that Mr Y’s judgement should not bother me because it is usually unfound. But my boyfriend does value Mr Y’s comments and I feel that Mr Y is constantly trying to plant a seed in my boyfriend’s heart that I am ‘not good enough’ or ‘too this’ or ‘too that’.

Please advise. I want to make peace with Mr Y as it is my boyfriend’s best friend.

Thank you
Answer 357 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Have you discussed this pleasantl;y but frankly and in depth, with your bf ? And why invite this negative guy away for weekends with the two of you ? That'd be like packing a rainstorm when going on a picnic ! Does Y have designs on your bf, himself ? Or on you ?
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