Ask an expert

08 Feb 2013

I am at the stage in my life where I am so tired of giving so much of myself and receiving nothing in return. I have a friend (yeah right, more like an acquaintance) who always leaves it up to me to call, send sms, email etc. He is often ill (imagined I think, more than real) and then I am so sympathetic towards him, texting or mailing him to enquire about his wellbeing. He likes to play on my feelings is the impression I get. A while back he had a growth removed from his lower back and he was in hospital for a few days. He let me know about this and I was really concerned about him, texting or emailing to find out whether he is okay and then he would tell me how sick he feels and how his wound is bleeding and that his employer has no empathy and then I would be all caring and concerned about him, which he obviously laps up. A few days later upon enquiring about his health etc. I am abruptly told that he does not feel like talking to anyone because he is ill and that I must leave him alone, which I did. I have not made contact with him for nearly a week and this morning just browsing through my FB page, which is something I hardly ever do, I see that he has posted comments about preferring silence to bullsh*t and that he is happier when he is left alone and that he prefers his single life and does not need a woman to worry about him etc.

I don''t like the way he makes me feel. I feel so used, he only knows me when he needs something and when all is well with him, I am swept under the carpet again. It makes me angry that he feels he can treat me so shabbily and get away with it, time and again. He does not have many friends and has on more than one ocassion told me that he hates people and prefers to be alone with his cats! He does not even have a girlfriend.

At one stage, he would ignore me for weeks on end even went as far as changing his email address. I accepted that he wanted to be left alone only to be contacted a month later asking me what was wrong with me and why I am keeping my distance. He has also on ocassion become verbally abusive. We don''t owe one another anything, yet it seems as though neither of us can actually let go of this " friendship" . On New Years'' day he send me a long, beautiful text message telling me how awesome I am and that he appreciates me, thanking me for my love and friendship and for always being there for him, knowing that he can count on me when things are bad and then a couple of weeks later, he is treating me so badly again. Is there a nice way of telling him to get lost or must I be straight and tell him to go to hell!
Answer 247 views

01 Jan 0001

YOU are the friend, this other person is NOT. He'a user and abuser, just drop him. If he eventuall asks why, just say you followed hi advice about leaving him alone,and this seems best for you both. Ignore all other alls or messages from him
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
34% - 9260 votes
66% - 17823 votes