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01 Dec 2005

getting very nervous...(little bit long)
I don't know what to do. I don't trust bf's bad friend as far as I can throw him.. and yet again, they spent time together last night. I've been open with bf about this friend, how he makes me feel and what my natural reaction is when this guy comes into the picture - yet bf has his freedom - to do what he wants, and to respect my feelings, or not... Bf was supposed to come over to my place last night, only popped in for coffee eventually, then we made plans for tonight and he left late afternoon, saying he's going to spend a relaxed night in, he needs time at home. Next thing he phones me - bad friend is on his way, they're just going to chill at bf's house. Immediately I'm down - every single minute bf doesn't spend with me, he spends with this guy. I'm nervous all night, but try my very best to suppress any negative thoughts or working myself up about it. Bf doesn't sms me, I sms him to hear if they're enjoying there evening. So all contact comes from me first. Then at 23h00 he lets me know that they're hungry and going out to hunt for pizza (knowing most restaurant kitchens close at 23h00?) Conveniently enough the only place serving something in the lines of pizza that time of night, is a club / bar and yes - they play a few games of pool, and have a few drinks - with me lying in my bed, my heart racing, my hands lightly shaking, trying to keep calm about the situation. They get home at 01h00 - now I haven't slept at all. To make a long story short - he knows how I feel about this friend - he knows how them going out during the week (or anytime for that matter) makes me feel. I've asked him many times to just take that into account before he makes plans... but this has been happening weekly now, on a very regular basis.. I've been trying to arrange things with him so that I can go ONE WEEK without this stress, but somehow he just manages to work around that. I'm younger that he is, and still have the need / urge to go out to certain places like bars / clubs where I can dance, but he never takes me there - but, conveniently enough, when bad friend is with him, they go out to these places and have a ball of a time... I feel very worried - he's obviously not going to change, and he's not taking my feelings into account at all. And I've tried to talk to him about this ... nothing has come of it.
Might I just add that I consider him in every single situation.. there are some of my girl friends that I see less because I know he gets a bit nervous when we go out together, or when I spend time with them (I don't even know why he gets nervous, as I've never done anything to make him doubt me) - I always take his feelings into account. Does he do the same for me? Lately, definately not...
What should I do...
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Bf has the freedom to ignore your feelings and requests --- but then you have the freedom to decide that such a man is a lousy boyfriend and that you deserve much more than he cares to provide. He is selfish, uncaring, and so juvenile that he's besotted with another child pal. Why on earth would you want to spend even another 5 minutes with someone like that ? Don't sell yourself short by entertaining the delusion that you wouldn't find someone very much better for you than he could ever bother to be.
What you are describing is NOT the actions of a man who genuinely loves you.
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