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04 Mar 2003

Girlfriend
Hi,

My girlfriend and me has split up, but my problem is i don't know how to cope with the fact that she went back to her ex-boyfriend. Her explenation to me is that i don't control her enough, which to me is unthinkable, each person must make their own decisions or we make them together. I can't decide everything for us... The other problem i have is that she has always claimbed to be in love with me.. and i'm still very much in love with her. I can't even think to be angry at her, but i think know that she only told me that because it was appropiate. I've realised i have to move on, but doing so is very difficult because it love her so much... I've tried to work it out with her but she seems not to be upset with us breaking up... I realy don't know what to do please help
Answer 418 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Anym,
The signs are there --- maybe at one time she claimed to love you, but she didn't behave lovingly ( actions being much more important than words ) ; and she's not very upset about the breakup, presumably because she never invested much in it anyway.
Remember, people are, annoyingly, different. So she claims you weren't controlling enough ? Odd indeed, but there are people like that, and people like you, who respect the autonomy and independence of others, even those you love, are very fine people, but not really compatible wih the first sort. The world is full of women who would really like to meet a nice man who DOES respect their autonomy and who doesn't wan to control them --- let go of the woman who didn't care enough, and set yourself free to find the women who will truly appreciate your civilized and caring attitudes
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