Ask an expert
Question

07 Mar 2003

Girlfriend dump me and got engaged.
Hi,

My girlfriend dumped me on monday and went back to her ex-boyfriend. Thursday she tells me they are getting married next month.... I was totaly devistated, the fact that she wasted no time in getting over me showed our whole relationship was worthless. I can't concentrate on my work. Everytime i try to eat, although i'm not hungry i just through up my food. I know i must get over her and that she just used me, but i don't know how.... The only person i realy feld comfertible speaking to was her.... I'm lost... please help!!
Answer 378 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear dizzy,
One of the many lessons to learn is not to put all of ones eggs in one basket, and, in this example, not to rely solely on one individual as one's only confidant and comforter. But that's a lesson to apply in the future.
For now --- sadly, she sounds like someone you will be well rid of. The events may have been sudden to you, but she must have been deceiving you for some time, as she wouldn't suddenly decide to dump you and return to her Ex and proceed to marriage plans within a month, unless there had been an ongoing relationship between them for some considerable time.
And bouncing into a mariage on the rebound is a thoroughly bad idea for her, as it is for anyone. Now, your whole relationship was not worthless, though it may feel that way, right now. Your side of it seems to have been sincere and genuine, and that is not worthless. That she was not worthy of your love, is hardly your fault. She's unlikely to be happy in this other relationship, but that's the just consequences of the choice she made.
The priority now is for you, with or without the aid of counselling, to work through this hurt and grief, and, probably, justifiable anger, and get on with the enjoyable and happy life you deserve. It's likely that this immediate and severe reaction will fade fairly soon, though it will remain uncomfortable for some time --- this is where counselling can help to shorten the period of discomfort, and help to ensure that you learn useful and objectively justifiable lessons from the experience.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.