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22 Aug 2010

Heartache
How long does it take on average to get over someone that you had very deep feelings for. It has been 8 months now (since the relationship ended - it is one of those impossible relationships that just cannot be because of circumstances) and I can''t seem to shake the feelings.... I want to let go but my heart won''t let me - I still fantasise and I still ache. How long do these things take and is there anything I can do to expedite the process?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I haven't seen good research to produce a specific average, and anyhow, you're not Average - you're YOU. And so much depends on your personality and style, the nature of the relationship and how and why it broke up, etc.
Your Heart is not in charge, your mind and your assumptions are. If you tolerated the break-up only reluctantly, insisting it must be temporary and things must somehow be fixed, then you won't get over it, because acording to the definitions you have chosen, it isn't really over.
Whenever you choose to fantasize and daydream about it, you're scratching at the scabs and preventing the wound from healing.
Counselling can help you approach this more realistically and fruitfully.
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