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11 Dec 2005

Help me fix my relationship?
Hi there...
I am not sure if i am posting this at the right place...but its worth a try and so i will appreciate any advice i can get...a
I was almost raped 3yrs ago by my ex boyfriend..luckily he didnt get what he wanted...but im not gonna go into that...i used to be a very loveable person and i used to basically show people that i really did love them but ever since then i find that i may have this possible?Could that really affected me in such a way that i struggle to get close to people now? Because i find that i cant get close to my current boyfriend of 2 and a half really hurts us both...i dont hold him...i just find it hard? Then i eventually turned to cutting myself...i know it wasnt the very best thing for me to do...but i am trying to stop that now...because i have seen how it is hurting my im doing okay with that i hope...
Then a few months ago...we split because of another girl that was after him...he lied to me about her...and now i find it even harder to forgive him and forget much as we have worked through that everytime it has come up...
But my problem lies here: MY partner and i have started drifting apart from each other as a result of all the above i mentioned...we speak about it constantly about the damage it does...and how me being such a cold person hurts the sense that i cant compliment him,hold him or get too close...I really do love him so much...i just wish i could prove it to him...and that is where i need the help..
Please tell me what i can do to fix my relationship...i am considering going for therapy in the new year about what happened...but i need help in proving to him how much he means to much i love him...what can i do to fix my relationship? How can i show him that he means the world to me? How can i go back from being such a cold person which i admit i that warm and loving person who wants to show their partner off to the world? Is there still hope for that?
Please give me any advice that u think will help me and my partner..i really do not want to lose him...
Thank you so much
Answer 424 views

01 Jan 0001

YOu are not fundamentally changed, but after such an experience, one may well gain fears and suspicions and cautions that are in part appropriate and in part a barrier against further pleasant and sustaining relationships.
Seeing a good, practical, local CBT-oriented counsellor can help greatly. And congratulations on managing to cut out the cutting ! A counsellor could help you with that, too. And after you are yourself feeling stronger and more commpetent, maybe some sessions o couples counselling could help both of you to work together better
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