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11 Dec 2005

Help me fix my relationship?
Hi there...
I am not sure if i am posting this at the right place...but its worth a try and so i will appreciate any advice i can get...a
I was almost raped 3yrs ago by my ex boyfriend..luckily he didnt get what he wanted...but im not gonna go into that...i used to be a very loveable person and i used to basically show people that i really did love them but ever since then i find that i may have changed...is this possible?Could that really affected me in such a way that i struggle to get close to people now? Because i find that i cant get close to my current boyfriend of 2 and a half years...it really hurts us both...i dont hold him...i just find it hard? Then i eventually turned to cutting myself...i know it wasnt the very best thing for me to do...but i am trying to stop that now...because i have seen how it is hurting my partner...so im doing okay with that i hope...
Then a few months ago...we split because of another girl that was after him...he lied to me about her...and now i find it even harder to forgive him and forget it...as much as we have worked through that everytime it has come up...
But my problem lies here: MY partner and i have started drifting apart from each other as a result of all the above i mentioned...we speak about it constantly about the damage it does...and how me being such a cold person hurts him...in the sense that i cant compliment him,hold him or get too close...I really do love him so much...i just wish i could prove it to him...and that is where i need the help..
Please tell me what i can do to fix my relationship...i am considering going for therapy in the new year about what happened...but i need help in proving to him how much he means to me...how much i love him...what can i do to fix my relationship? How can i show him that he means the world to me? How can i go back from being such a cold person which i admit i am..to that warm and loving person who wants to show their partner off to the world? Is there still hope for that?
Please give me any advice that u think will help me and my partner..i really do not want to lose him...
Thank you so much
Answer 289 views
Expert
Teen expert
teen expert

01 Jan 0001

I do think it would be the right thing to go for therapy both for yourself and for your relationship. Within the therapy you may want to consider having individual sessions to deal with what happened to you, but also to have some joint/couple sessions to work on your relationship.

In the mean time if you find it difficult to say what you want to your partner, why not write him a letter to explain where you are with things, and what your hope are for your future together. If you dont find a way of telling him he wont know.

If you feel this relationship is working at, then now is the time to act and do things that will bring the two of you closer, if thats what you both want.
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