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27 Aug 2007

How do I help...
I dont even know where to start... My brother, who is turning 20 this year, is driving my family to breaking point. He has always been a difficult, willfull child but things are getting out of hand. My parents went through a serious financial crises when he was about 11 and are still recovering. As result they have always felt quilty towards him and has tried to make up the lack in money by allowing him his every whim. My parents are also very gentle and reserved people so from an early age he has already learned that to get his way he just needs to scream and shout. As he got older this behaviour has grown more agressive to the point where he has gotten physical with my dad (pushing and shoving) and does not think twice to swear at my mother. To people out of the immediate family he is an absolute angel, a young gentleman. In truth he is an awesome young man with a wicked sense of humor... as long as he gets his way. The moment he is told no he turns in to a agressive, swearing monster throughing and breaking what ever is in range. He takes no responsibility for his behaviour and blames it on everyone around him. This type of behaviour is expected of a 5y old not a 20y old man. He has been to a psychologist, with no effect. I am very concerned, my parents are getting older and cant handle the stress anymore - how do we help him to help himself?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its sad, as they had no reason to feel guilty towards him, and have damaged him, not by their financial crises, but by over-indulging him. At 20, isn't it about time he moved out on his own, where he will rapidly discover that behaving as he does towards his parents, will simply not be tolerated by other people ? I assume that there were no benefits from him seeing a psychologist, because he went for other reasons, and had no intention of sicnerely working to improve the pain he causes to others. You cannot help him unless and until he recognizes that there is a problem and seeks help sincerely and intending to change Maria is entirely right, the onlt thing that could help would be tough live, with the parents setting very firm rules about what is and is not acceptable while he lives in their house, and him being made to leave if he fails to stick to those rules.
And yes, a psychologst to help them become more assertive and less guilty, is the best way to move towards change
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