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23 Jun 2011

How do I help?
Hi.. My perants have been split for 5 years but not divorced my dad cheated and moved out, he is still very much in out lives intact he lives around the corner.. Me and him don''t see eye to eye at all and me and his mistress well some crazy stuff went down and she attacked me and ja shes a real cow... And they accuse me of being the problem for a long time I wished my dad would just get out of my life well now he is moving 400 km away and now I''m confussed I wanted him gone but now I think how things will be different with him gone I think about all the bug days he''ll miss and how much of our lives he won''t be apart of and I hate to say it but I''m angry that him and his little devious family are gonna move to a nice new house and have so much money and all I think of is it should be me and mom and sister moving with him. My sister is really close to my dad and taking it rather bad, I''ve been trying to talk to her about it but she just starts crying... How do I help myself and her? Oh I am the one who put up 888 if u want more info
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

A wise man once said that there are 2 tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want. The other is getting what you want.
Actually, the felings you describe are more common than most people recognize, and we'd probably call the Ambivalence. We do and don't want some things to happen, because there are reasons in favour of each option.
Its sad that adults ( not always behaving with the maturity we'd expect from them ) so often create situations that are so miserable for others, especially for children / youngsters, for basically selfish reasons. We don't know what your dad is thinking of in making this latest decision. Maybe he tried to make things work better while living closer, and has now decided that this didnt work, and wants to try to make a fresh start. Maybe he doesn't fully realize how much his decisions and actions have hurt you and your sister, and, of course, your mom.
Don't take the responsibility for trying to sort it all out onto your own shoulders - that's his responsibility, and maybe your mom's. Your task now is to get yourself as well as possible and work through your current problems so as to (a) not be a worry for your mom, and (b) then maybe be more available to be helpful if the adults try to sort things out better. I certainly understand that you'd want to support your sister. And in such situations though we;d like to magically make everything great again, what is usually most useful is to just be there for her, to be available, for her to talk to when she feels like talking, and just be around silently when she doesn't. Things won't work out as badly as she feels sure they will, but it takes time to see how best they can be worked out.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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