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08 Aug 2011

How do I tell my family I&#8217 m engaged?
Hi, this probably isn''t a problem that most women have! My boyfriend and I have decided to get married. It’ s the next natural step, although it took years for me to get him to do it. We are going to buy the rings tomorrow. The thing is, I don’ t know how to tell my parents. Obviously the whole family will be expecting it- my step father calls my boyfriend my husband in any case because we’ ve been together for so long. I suppose I am a bit scared that my boyfriend isn’ t serious. It’ s something that we’ ve been talking about lightly for a long time, but I really threw my toys out the cot about it last weekend when friends of ours, that have been dating for a year, got engaged. I think I’ m scared that my boyfriend is just saying it to keep me happy, even though he’ s been telling me that he’ s just scared, he wouldn’ t know what to say, etc, and I’ m going with it because I want it so badly. I don’ t want him to say a year or so down the line that he doesn’ t want to get married anymore (we can’ t afford to get married now, so we’ ll have a long engagement). We already live together, we have pets, this is really just to make it official, plus I want to do the whole wedding thing, and I really want him to be officially my husband instead of just boyfriend. I have been planning colour themes and music for a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG time already. I suppose another issue is that his family HATES me. Well, not so much his family as just his mother. I haven’ t spoken to her in nearly 5 years, and I don’ t even know why she dislikes me so much. I’ m not THAT close with my parents, and they disliked my boyfriend in the beginning (it took them years to come around). He’ s my first serious boyfriend has well. Am I making a mistake? I don’ t know! I want it so badly, but I’ m so worried about what my family, and his family, will say.
Answer 390 views

01 Jan 0001

If you've been together for years, and the whole family is expecting it - does there really HAVE to be a problem about telling them ?
If you think he might change his mind, what if you took him with you, and told them he had proposed, in front of them ? Harder for him to back out of without getting embarrassed.
After all this time, do you understand WHY he might be hesitant about this ?
Its a very relevant issue to consider why he'd hesitate to be married to you - not much would change. OK, many women have massive dreams about and decades of planning their WEDDING, which rarely as a day, means as much to men. As maria says, your message sounds more about wedding-lust than marriage as such.
Why would his mother not like you ? Is it the "actually, no living woman out there is good enough for my boy" variety ?
Couldn't he mediate and help the pair of you to talk ? Maybe if it seems to her that YOU have insisted on not talking to her for 5 years, she'd hardly find that endearing.
If you need to know what each family might say, and you don't know already, have you tried asking them ?
Couples counselling might help you both to clarify what's going on, and what isn't.
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