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Question

18 Feb 2003

How long is to long to date?
Hi I am very worried about one of my friends. She and her boyfriend has been dating for 9 years now. She is 24 He is 25.

Now my problem is, isn't it time that he ask her to marry him. I know for him there is still a lot of time, but not for her. I know that she would marry him tomorrow if she could. Think of it this way, he doesn't ask her in this year, she's 25, she gives him an ultamatum and he leaves her. she'll need at least 6 months to a year to get over him, another 6 months to get back into the dating game, she's 27, she meet someone and they get married after 2 years, she's 29, with other words that don't leave her with a lot of time to start a family (which I know she would like).

Now how do I tell her of my fear, I don't want to loose her friendship. I personally don't think that he is going to ask her, because he always tells her to do something before he will ask her, whether it is to graduate (done), get a job (done) loose weight (done) go see a shrink (done), what more? He wants to change her into the person he would like and not the person she is.

Please help me

Nadia Hall
Answer 386 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear nadia,
Good grief, what is this fussy guy going to ask for next ? Plastic Surgery ? Qualifications in fluent Urdu and Serbo-Croat ? And in the meantime, what has he done to change himself so as to become more attracive to her ? Has he graduated, got a jon, lost weight and seen a shrink ? It does sound like he's procrastinating, doesn't it ?
ow to raise your concerns wih her, depends very much on your relationship. You might be more discrete to invent the case of someone else you know ( at work, or wherever ) with similar characteristics --- a 10 year engagement, and relentless demands that the woman change herself, without any signs of a real proposal ( maybe even reverse the sexes in the example --- make it a man being strung along by the woman --- and ask her what she thinks, and how she would advise this person ?
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