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Question

09 Jan 2003

How painfull is it gonna be??
Hi guys. I wanna know what your fist time feels like. Alot of girls have told me that it is extremely painful. Is this true?? I tried a tampon once & it hurt like hell!! As i started to insert it, the pain was incredible. I just wanna know if its gonna feel the same?? My guy says that he's gonna be gentle with me - But im still scared!! Am i being paranoid??
Answer 439 views
Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

Many women experience some physical pain or discomfort when the hymen is broken during the first experience of intercourse. However, the pain usually isn't intense if the woman is a willing participant.Also, many virgins do not have this pain because they have already broken their hymens accidentally during sports, minor accidents, etc. If you're very concerned about physical pain, consider seeing a female gynaecologist for an exam and ask her opinion and recommendations.

Regarding an emotional or psychological perspective, if a woman is feeling anxious about having sex for the first time, one possibility is to discuss her concerns with her partner beforehand. A caring man will want the sexual experience to be enjoyable for both partners and will be as gentle and loving as needed. If the woman does not feel able to discuss her feelings with her partner, she might benefit from waiting to have sex until she is able to handle the emotional as well as physical intimacy, or until she is in a healthier relationship.

In fact, I recommend that any woman having such thoughts carefully assess whether she truly wants to engage in intercourse at all right now. Is she feeling pressured by her partner to have sex before she's ready? Or is she pressuring herself out of belief that she "should" have sex even if she doesn't want to? If either situation is the case, I'd recommend she hold off on intercourse until she resolves her ambivalence, or is in a relationship that is supportive, respectful and caring enough to honour her pacing.

People whose anxiety about sex is related to past physical or sexual assaults or emotional trauma also may benefit from counseling to help them release the hold the past may have on them. That said, if you are in a loving relationship and truly want to engage in intercourse, remind yourself beforehand that any pain associated with the initial insertion of your partner's penis will be transitory.

Relax and enjoy the foreplay (kissing, snuggling, stroking, etc.) as much as possible. The more relaxed and aroused you are (which may sound paradoxical!), the more you will enjoy the experience. I'd also keep in mind that, especially during your first intercourse, neither you nor your partner have to perform perfectly.

If the first time doesn't set off fireworks ( which is often the case)- you will have plenty of other occasions to explore, play and learn together how to have a mutually pleasurable experience

Good Luck
Dr Elna McIntosh
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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