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Question
28 Nov 2004
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How to start over again
After 23 years of marriage I got divorced. Thinking that was the only way out as my husband had no interest in me anymore for the past couple of years. Before that we had a good relationsip. We have children. Only after the divorce (that I had paid for because I felt I was the reason for not making it work) it only come out that he is GUY!! Although I am happy to know the reason I am battling to start over again. We still have a good relationship but I am feeling that I am being used once again. I am in a new relationship which is not doing so well. My "X" (i hate that word) will ask me to do thigs for him which I don't always see as an issue but my new friend just don't cope with it. This ends up in endless fights and I can not take it anymore. I realise I am doing things wrong but actually I am tired of all this. Maybe I should just call it a day in my new relationship. Not sure what to do.
CyberShrink
Hi Just Me,
Sounds like you, sadly, bought into a guilt trip, assuming ( in both senses of the word ) responsibility and guilt for problems that probably had nothing to do with you and were beyond your control. Too often, one then too rapidly, on the rebound, then enters another relationship, which is more like comfort food than good nutrition. Sounds like the new guy is insecure ; and maybe you are indeed doing a bit much for the Ex --- does he really need so much to be done for him ? Any possibility of seeing a counsellor or a good non-sexual friend, or family member, to talk this through in more detail and assess your options in depth ?
Sounds like you, sadly, bought into a guilt trip, assuming ( in both senses of the word ) responsibility and guilt for problems that probably had nothing to do with you and were beyond your control. Too often, one then too rapidly, on the rebound, then enters another relationship, which is more like comfort food than good nutrition. Sounds like the new guy is insecure ; and maybe you are indeed doing a bit much for the Ex --- does he really need so much to be done for him ? Any possibility of seeing a counsellor or a good non-sexual friend, or family member, to talk this through in more detail and assess your options in depth ?
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