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14 Jan 2005

Hurt and Confused
Guys please help me my Boyfriend died of AIDS sometime last year and I haven't gone to test cause I'm so scared so I just consider myself +. My problem is that I keep on spending nights with different guys but I just only kiss and touch and when it comes the penetration I just get turned off. I don't want to have any it just disgusts me but fore-play I like a lot. The big problem here is that I spend a night with any guy that dates me and that is very dangerous - so far I have been lucky no one has hurt me. I just feel good when a guy is on and begging me for penatration and I just refuse. Last night I spend a night with a friend and we talked about this and I realised that I need help cause this is really sick. Please advice me on what to do
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Chelle is absolutely right. Knowledge is power, and ignorance is fear. Either you're not positive --- but are so fearful, not knowing this, that you're suffering as if you were positive, without getting the help you need ; or maybe you are positive, which isn't the end of the world, but you can't deal with it properly until you know. Get the test, and insist on getting the counsellign that should be available with it.
Amd there is more than HIV at play here --- you seem to be describing getting a sort of a kick out of leading men on, and then refusing at a late stage ( maybe in part a way of getting your own back on men for some of the anger you might feel against your late bf ? ) and as you recognize this is a dangerous game. So get more detailed counselling to work especially on THIS aspect of your problems, and you'll be happier and safer.
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