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28 Oct 2009

Husband irritates me most of the time
Hi, I have been married for 16 years and we have 3 beautiful kids. However, 5 years into the marriage and whilst I was pregnant with our 2nd child, my husband had an affair with a married woman.
I was devastated and shocked as we had a healthy sex life, and there were no problems in our marriage. Once I found out, I hated him, left and moved to my mother' s. However, he begged and pleaded, promised to change and even tried to commit suicide.
I eventually gave in and moved back with him. He has never ever again been unfaithful - in fact he is always home, pays attention to the children and fulfills his fatherly and spousal duties. My problem is that I cannot get over what he did, and that he did it when I was at my most vulnerable and needed him the most. I look at him and dont trust anything he says or does and think I am starting to hate him.
I dont know why this is happening now, but I know I have to move on as I cant look at him without resentment and disspointment.
I feel like I could have had any man, and I chose him and he did the worst thing a man could do to a woman. Also, why he did it while I was pregnant, why didnt he do it before I agreed to have a second baby.
His affair hit me like a lightning bolt out of nowhere. Even though I know he loves me and the kids, I think I have fallen out of love with him.
Answer 416 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

What happened in the past was, obviously, awful. But it sounds as though he has really reformed, apologised and don a lot to make amends. So the remaining problem seems to lie more in the way you have been unable, so far, to work through these issues and get beyong it.
We can't re-write the facts of history - maybe you could have chosen various other men, but you didn't, and you can't go back and make a different choice. But what we can re-script is the conclusions we choose to draw from past experiences, and how we choose to allow these to continue to influence us. This is where a counsellor / therapist, especially one of the CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy variety, can help you work through the aftermath of this awful experience, and move on to a happer and freer life.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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