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15 Mar 2004

Husband's friendshap with gay man
Please help me! My husband is friends with a gay man for several months, we went there for dinner 2 times and overall he is quite a nice man. However, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable with this friendship of theirs. He is talking about this man constantly, and when he does, his whole face is lighting up. Furthermore phone this man him several times and invite him (only him, I'm not included) for a beer and a chat. We went for lunch there yesterday, and my husband spends hours in the bathroom showering, shaving, dress himself neatly - things he never does before. At lunch the man stared at him several times for so long that I couldn't even finish my lunch. I confronted my husband yesterday and he just kept quiet - he didn't confess anything, but he surely didn't deny anything either. But after that he just kept to himself and he is very quiet and "distant". Please give me your advice, I don't know how to handle this.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001


Dear Elsa,
Well, what you describe does sound rather odd. There's nothing paticularly wrong wih a man forming a friendship with a gay man, but there's something wrong with a married man forming an emotional relationship, with another man or woman. Maybe he's just a very lonely man who is getting over-excited about this friendship from another man, and he isn't used to such attention and wants a chum. But his silence when you confronted him, and his hours in the bathroom specially making himself attractive before such a meeting, does sound rather suspicious.
There's not a lot you can do at this stage, as in any other situation where there's some possibility of your spouse forming too close a relationship with someone else, except to talk about it and to make it clear that you can't acept any infidelity, physical or emotional, with someone else ; and that if he has found any problems in his relationship with you, he owes it to you to talkm it over with you, and to join you in mariage counselling, if needed.
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