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06 Aug 2010

I am close to a breakdown - but it would mean I am week
A few days ago I posted a note under " Is it a man thing or is he an idot?"  Well thank you for all the replies. I am still not to sure what to do. But sadly my better half of 11 years is not the only headache I have in life.
How do you say NO to a 21 year old son who BELIEVES the world owes him becuase he was diagnosed Diabetic Type 1 at the age of 10?
I have tried to do everything for my son but its not good enough. When his dad &  I divorced 13 yrs ago (physical abuse from him) I tried my utmost as a single mom.
I am at this moment putting him thru colledge, His father sd he would pay but that nevre happened, so I had to start paying or they would not have allowed him to attend classes.
When he wants something you must give, and if you dont he fakes a diabetic attack to get attention. On mothers day this year he o''d on insulin on purpose just because he was give a NO reply.
My med aid paid for most of it, but I am left with a bill of R1500.00. My son demands money from me for airtime, let me just say he does have clients as a personal trainer but spends it on crap and booze. When i say i dont have - then he will reply by saying things like - yeah but you have money to buy make-up and shit.
So how do you say NO to a manipulative 21 year old?
I keep saying no - but he AND some of my family think I am the cruel one who does not care.
if I have a breakd own, my betterhalf will see it as a weekness, as i had a break down 6 years ago due to work stress and was hospitalised at Flora for 7 days &  fed dormicum 50mg twice a day. I dont want to go that way again,
How do I say NO and still be strong to stand up to the mental abuse?
Answer 384 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Maybe you should read up on the concept of Tough Love. A sense of entitlement may be more of a handicap than the illness or physical disability itself. It can be exactly your "trying to do everything for" your son that encourages this. If you do everything, the only thing left for him to do is to be disagreeable and dissatisfied.
He's 21 - why can't he contribute to putting himself through college ? He DOES earn, but choses to waste that money. If he tries the diabetic blackmail again, have him taken to a government hospital only ( not a private one ) so the experience is less rewarding.
And inform the doctors there that he DELIBERATELY manipulates such episodes so as to manipulate others,and that you are no longer responsible for paying for his care.
The difference in your spending on your makeup etc is that it is YOUR money that you are spending, and you don't owe anything to anyone else, and you don't rely on him to cover all your basic expenses. Unlike him.
Don't care if he manipulatively labels you as cruel. And if anyone else in the family thinks so - let him live with them, and see what opinion they then form.
See a personal counsellor or psychologisty to help you to become more assertive and self-prorective. It won't be weaknes if you become unwell for a short period - but if so, don't allow anyone to give you quack Sleep Therapy ( which is unacceptable according to any proper professional standards, and useless and risky ) but get a proper diagnosis and proper therapy if you need it.
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