Ask an expert

21 Feb 2013

I guess I''m a horrible person
For getting extremely irritated and angry with the stream of rummagers on trash day. It''s far worse in our new neighborhood, they upset our dogs (our neighbors are not dog lovers..) and frequently leave a massive mess behind, which we must clean up ourselves, how silly is it that we must throw our own trash away twice?!

In-laws came to visit us one day and my mother-in-law asked, why I am picking up random garbage up off the street/our driveway, when I told her it''s OUR garbage and complained about the trash pickers I got told ''ag shame, you should feel bad for the poor people who must dig through trash to survive'' and I''m horrible for being so judgemental of the poor souls. Father-in-law jokingly added ''now we see your true colors'' to the conversation as I''m usually all smiles, ''please and thank you'' with them. I think he noticed that my blood was boiling at that point..

Am I not entitled to get frustrated at people mucking up our home without it making me a terrible a person? It is not as if it just fell into our laps, we worked hard for it and continue working hard to maintain it.
Mother-in-law''s comments on only that one day was enough to make me not want her at my house ever again. We have always given her food, clothes, wool etc. for her church''s charities. She knows that I have donated breast-milk and that I frequently buy duplicates of toys/clothes to gift to the children''s home. When me and hubby were fresh out of school, more than half of our salaries went towards supporting my in-laws, to buy groceries or clothes for hubby''s sblings and now 6 years down the line, we are the ones paying to put the youngest sibling through university.
We have sacrificed so many things and pushed back our own lives to help them out and she has never really shown us any gratitude for it. Not too proud to ask or recieve just too proud to say thank you.

I guess that''s all I want at this point, some acknoweldgement for the help we have offered them over the years and for people to stop behaving like animals when digging through our trash! Does that make me a terrible person?
Answer 311 views

01 Jan 0001

There's a difference. If some people are so desperate that they feel the need to rummage through trash for things they value, that's one thing. But they need not make a huge and careless mess while doing so. Some rummagers are tidy about it.
You sound like more charitable and caring people than most, and should not allow your inlaws to make you feel bad about yourselves. Especially as hey have been happy to accept your generosity for so oong without even having the basic good manners to thank you. The old lasy sounds like a hypocrite.
And stop helping them, as they obviously dont appreciate it, and may actually need it less than you have assumed. If they ask why, say you're putting more effort into helping the rummagers.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.