Ask an expert

22 Nov 2005

I lied - might end tragically so help
After my very happy ending yesterday - I was driven to confess to my hubby about something I had done - a very bad thing.

My mom had given us R5000 to give to our financial consultant to invest. He was away so the money was just sitting there (in cash). My hubby went away on a rugby tour and we had a whole lotta guests (I think I mentioned in a previous posting that this is becoming an ENORMOUS problem).
Well, with all the peeps at our place - I needed to do some extra shopping cos I was out. I tucked into the money - initially just R200.

Well, as I said - I'd been going through a rough time over the past few weeks/months so somehow, I went a bit haywire - the next thing I knew - I had blown R3 500!

In a fix - and feelign horribly guilty I just couldn't bring it up. Last night I mustered up the courage and told him
He was DEVASTATED and so shook up about it. I don't know how the hell to make it up to him. Strangely - I am not too concerned (just feel numb). I feel like I was a complete other person when I spent the money - cos I was in a bad way.

Any suggestions???
Answer 499 views

01 Jan 0001

Well, it's unfortunate, and you need to admit it to all affected by it and work out a plan to pay back the money you owe. Its hard to understand how, or on what, you could have spent so much money so quickly. But it would be typical of someone on a Bipolar high.
I hope there's nothing funny about this "financial advisor" either --- good ones work with banks and similar institutions, and would not expect to be paid in cash. It all sounds very peculiar.
"Retail Therapy" is of course no therapy at all, and merely an excuse for over-spending on stuff you don't really need. And the good feelings are so brief as to be ultimately worthless.
And your huband must remember that this all began with extra unnecessary spending on all of his greedy guests.
And your response to Dude suggests a very much sicker misunderstanding of your actions. It WAS stealing. Your mother gave you no money at all to waste the way you did --- she entrusted it to you to give, intact, to someone else for a completely differeent purpose. You took it without her permission. And you don't seem to have had any plan for paying it back --- that's stealing.
Retail Therapy is an excuse, not a condition, and so you did NOT "use" the money for any good purpose. Do you really think your mom would be delighted to hear about this ? And you DO plan to tell her, don't you ? If you don't mean to tell her, that sounds like you recognize that it was wrong --- if it was such a good idea, you'd be proud to tell her.
Giving what you did a pretty name ( liberated"? ) is evasive, and not facing facts, which won't allow you to solve the problem properly. NOBODY is being in the slightest bit "judgemental" in calling it stealing. How I hate the way the word "judgemental" is used to try to forbid anyone from ever criticising bad behaviour. No wonder our society is crumbling into moral chaos.
As Trouble says, what you did was WRONG. being Bipolar isn't a blank cheque excuse for doing wrong.
The purpose of calling a spade a spade isnt to stop you gardfening ! It's so you face acts and start to heal and put things right--- and I have every confidence in your ability to do that.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.