Ask an expert
Question

04 Jul 2005

I need to help him!
I have a cousin who is 28 never had great life when he was growing up. Firstly his father died when he was still in his mother's womb meaning he never knew his father, secondly his mother used to be a drunkard and she was working away from home so he used to stay here and there with aunts who used to abuse him a lot.

After some time it happened that the mother came back because she was getting old and anyway she was retrenched, somehow she started building the relationship with her son who eventually came back and stayed with her. After a few years of staying together the mother passed away two months back.

He doesnt have a sister or a brother he is just an only child. He is this quiet person whom you have to dig out before you get what's really bothering her. Our mothers were sisters and mine as well passed away. I am so worried about him because i feel like i am better because i have siblings i can speak to them even though they are still young and at least we understand each other.

How do i help somebody like that, because anyway he is a humble person who'll never refuse help, he never speaks the problem is that you'll never know when you are hurting with. I love him so much and feel very close to him and I dont wanna loose him as i feel like he can be an older brother that I never had.

The other problem is that he now smokes dagga when i ask him why he says he has a lot of stress which he can not take plus the fact that he was busy studying as a Psychologist through another bursay which now has stopped paying and he doent even know why because he passed.
Answer 408 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

We can admire how much you feel love for this cousin, and how much you want to help him. Of course, what would probably help most, would be counselling, but maybe he wouldn't feel that he does need this, or he may een feel that he can't be helped, which is not true. Dagga may be a temptation as a way of relieving stress, but it causes its own problems, and can interfere with his studies.
If he is studying to be a psychologist, it is likely that there is counselling available through the educational institution where he studies --- maybe you can persuade him to take up this opportunity by emphasizing that you wish you had such a possibility, and that it would be valuable for ANYone intending to become a psychologist, to experience counselling and psychological assessment and help, for themselves.
I hope he is seeking ways to renew or replace the bursary which fell throuh, maybe with the aid of the appropriate office at the university, as it'd be a shame if he stopped his studies.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
34% - 9260 votes
No
66% - 17831 votes
Vote