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07 Mar 2003

I really cant any more!
I really cant take it any more! All that I'am doing lately is crying! 5 months ago I gave birth to a still born baby boy. I was my full 9months pregnant. I'am still hurting so much inside. There is not one day that passes that I dont think about him. Every day it just gets more & more difficult. The questions I always ask myself why my baby? he was growwing inside of me & I never even knew that he was dying inside of me! What kind of mother does that make me? One useless unfit mother! Why did'nt God spare my little baby boys life & take my life! Every day I picture how old he is & what he was going to do today. . . All that I'm left with is painful momeries. Memories of how my baby was lying in my arms, not breathing, not moving & not hearing him crying. Why give life & take it away! What did I do so wrong to deserve a punishment so bad!

On the other had I have a very loving mother. She and my boyfriend does not get along totaly! This is making the situation even more difficult for me! I'm always caught in the middle & I'm always trying two make both parties happy! Its like I'm living two lives. My mother wants me to leave my boyfriend because she feels that I can do better without him. What she does'nt understand is that I love my boyfriend with all that I have and I wanna spend the rest of my life with him! He truly makes me happy. . .
Please advis me what must I do to convince my mother that I love this guy and what can I do for them to get along!

And on the other hand my boyfriends ex girlfriend is always coming in between us! He has a son from her! She always making rumurs up and when I lost my baby she was the happiest woman in the world. When my boyfriend confronts her she tells him its me! I really dont know what to do any more! I'am really going to go of my head! If its not this its that!

Please help me!!!

Answer 441 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Chanelle,
I'm sure we can all sympathize with your continuing grief, over one of the more difficult types of bereavement to deal with. You really should be involvd in counselling from a skilled shrink, to help you work through these many points of sadness, and to help get things back into proportion.
Because so many pregancies go well and end happily, we tend to forget how complex and risky a proces it really is, and how many pregnancies do not end happily. That you had a stillbirth is very sad, but that fact doesn't make you into any sort of bad mother. Whatever the ultimate cause was of his death, I am confident that it was not your fault, and that there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, or even to know that anything was wrong. You doctor / obstetrician and their staff, with all their training, skill, and expertise weren't able to detect it usefully or to prevent it, either --- that's often how it happens. You were and are, a perfectly competent, loving, and fit motherm who has experienced a tragic set-back to your plans.
What happened was sad, but not a punishment for anything you did wrong --- it doesn't work that way. TO have spared the baby and lost your life, would have left the child without the benefits of its own loving mother --- no better an outcome.
Sorry that there's also this hostility between your mother and bf. Maybe you ned to explain to your mother, that though she may not fully appreciate him, you love him ; and while you are still struggling to deal with one severe loss, the last thing you need is a further loss, of this person who is also important to you and comforting for you ; nor do you benefit from friction between them. Appeal to her, out of her love for you, to work to minimize the friction.
And then yout bf's Ex is etting her nasty paws into the act, too. Well, he seems to be trying to deal with her, and with discussion between the two of you, surely she can be kept out of the picture.
Surely, though, you need to explore the availability of counselling, to help you have further and independent support and advice, and to help you to balance and deal with these conflicting problems.
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