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13 Dec 2005

I've tried
I had the right psychologist and now Im leaving home for Grahamstown next year so I am stopping, My family and I honestly realised it was doing nothing, along with the meds and everything. Nothing can help me, its only when I get a wave of inspiration, when my mom tells me to put on weight cos I look disguisting, I rebel and lose more. Im not into losing more weight, I couldnt care anymore, but when I try put on weightI just feel too umcomfortable with a bulging stomach that I want to kill myself, its not that I care about putting on weight, its just so discomforting. My family is almost over my problem, no one talks about it, its become a way of life, only my mom deals with it now really.. its always been like that, my dad thinks disorders are just a teenage phase to be thin... He cant understand. Im just feeling like I am just meant to be like this forever, because all my freinds know nothing and my family puts it aside, its old news, Ive been sick too long, and I dont want to share it with my friends anymore, cos thats how I lost them in the first place, they couldnt deal with it. Im not seeing my cousellor Melissa anymore cos she said there are people with worse problems than me and I should quit this all, enough is enough..

what do you mean about someone working aggresively on issues with CBT, Iv been talking for two years and am so open about issues and my disorder, I have hardly any issues, I was a happy girl in grade 10 before it started for good... my only issues have arised from when my disorder began, like cutting, drinking and losing all my freinds because of it and issues with nearly being expelled from school cos of my state, being a danger to myself and 'fellow pupils'.

Ive played my fair share, and have co-operated... someone as strong minded as me should be over this by now, its not as if Im like the other girls you read about who still want to be sick and get closer to death. I have worked with eating experts... what difference did it make. I went to a nutritionist but my desire to vomit screwed up her neatly planned meals.

What you think would be best for me, I know Im an impossible case, please any any any advice appreciated
thanx a lot
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello me,
I flatly do not believe that you are an "impossible case", nor that "nothing can help me", though I can understand that it could fel that way for you. Eating disorders often involve a high degree of power struggles, within the individual and within the family --- I'd like to see you get well, and return to a normal weight for your height, as an exercise of your own power and capabilities, and irrespective of what your mom says about it. Otherwise you're cutting of YOUR nose to spite HEr face.
And remember too, that it is very natural that as one starts to return to a normally healthy weight, it AT FIRST often accumulates in the belly, with an initially bulging stomach --- but then, if you're patient, it redustributes itself to all the parts of your body which need it, and the stomach returns to a normal flat shape. The discomfort fades away.
I'm sorry if the therapists / counsellors you have worked with so far have been unable to help you sufficiently, or to sufficiently enlist your cooperation so as to beat this Eating Disorder. And I don't believe that it is possible for a skilled CBT oriented therapist to work on your real issues for 2 years without getting anywhere. The proces involves setting real measurable goals and working towards them. I repeat, as I have said before, if you could only devote the strength and determination you have used to remain eating disordered, to controlling the disorder, you could be fine and well and move on to succeed at other areas of life you will be free to enjoy
As Amy says, make the most of the academic and therapeutic oppotunities at Rhodes, and find better ways to use your strengths
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