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Question

08 Aug 2007

Ignored?
Dear Doctor,
I wrote you a few days ago (message number 1964) because I kept thinking my bf was dead and had terrible nightmares... I decided to explain everything to him and asked him to say something. He keeps ignoring me though. I know he was online the other day and I'm no longer worried. But why didn't he say something?
When I broke up with him, I thought he had someone else because he had stopped showing he cared and I couldn't take it any more. However, I don't know if he has someone and I'm afraid I was impulsive and unfair to him when I said goodbye. But he didn't even bothered to tell me how he was feeling. He ignored me.
I know I've been too jealous, too insecure, too unfair sometimes and selfish, but on the other hand I lived for him alone and gave him everything I could. I tried to be as good as a gf can be. And he seemed quite happy with that. But all of a sudden I feel he has never really loved me. To think that all I wanted from him now was a hello to know he was okay and that he cared.
I'm trying to move on and find someone else, but it hurts me a lot to think that the best 3 years of my life were nothing but an illusion. Is it possible that he's just too hurt and wants me to suffer a little to learn that I've been unfair? I wish this was the case. I wish I could remember his sweet smile and his passionate personality until I die. I don't want anything to destroy this beautiful image ever, because it is my only treasure.
Answer 357 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Maybe he said nothing because he couldn't think of something useful to say ? There seems to have been a break-up that was geographical, but not emotional --- you still seem to be thinking of him for far too much of the time --- where's the emotional break ? Rather than pickling yourself in regrets, try to more briskly learn the lessons from whatever went wrong so as not to make the same mistakes next time ( and a counsellor can really help with this exercise ) and move on. Unfortunate if you feel 3 years of your life were wasted on an illusion --- if you learn how to avoid wasting time in the same way in the future, then the three years were not really wasted. By focussing so fiercely on preserving your carefully selected image of the glorified icon of him you hav e constructed, you prevent yourself from moving at all, and prevent yourself from recovering and progressing.
Let go.
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