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13 Mar 2003

Im going crazy
in may last year i did something that i stiil regret, but whats worse is i have not even told my best friend. I slept with guy other than my boyfriend but we used condoms. in end of june I met with my boyfrined and have slept together several time without any proctection. In 3 aug i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant, but could not bring myself to abort. i am still together with my boyfriend and have never told him what happened, worse i have been keeping this to myself. but i feel like i am going crazy with the thoughts of what if this baby is my one night stand and not my boyfriend. it would be obvious as well, as we are both white and the man i slept with is black. I feel so laone that i need to share this with my best friend, but i am ashamed and scared to tell her. now i am close to giving birth and i cant even sleep thinking about the worst that could happen when the baby is born.can i share my secret with my friend. by the way my due date is 25 marc.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear genia,
It's easy to understand why you feel so uneasy. I presume from your message, that your boyfriend does at last know that you are pregnant, but that he assumes that the baby is his ? You could try discussing this issue with your gynae / obstetrician, but tests to try to establish paternity before birth would be difficult, and would need at least the cooperation of the one-night-stander, to check whether he could be the father. And then, at best, it might only give you a little notice of the likely outcome. Remember that the tests can't find whether the father was black or white, only what his likely blood groups were --- and unless complex and expensive DNA tests were done, it's possible that the issue might still to be totally settled.
Can you share your secret with your girlfriend ? Of course you CAN, but only you may know whether you SHOULD, because we don't know how she is likely to react, whether she would keep the secret, whether she is wise and experienced enough to give you good advice.
I'm wondering what your plans are, whatever the outcome. Assuming the baby is white and seems likely to be the bf's child --- are you planning to then, within some period after the birth, to tell him what happened, anyway ? Or are you thinking of trying to keep it all a secret from him, and hoping he'll nver find out ? Assuming the baby looks black ( sometimes, especially in the early days, the child may be pale-skinned and not obviously of a different racial mixture ) --- presumably it'll be obvious to the bf that you must have slept with someone other than him -- and he will also, at the same time, discover that you kept this information from him ; and may even form an understandable but exaggerated impression of the extent to which you were unfaithful to him.
And what about Mr One-night-stand ? Have you told him that you are pregnant, and that it might be his child ? How is he likely to respond to that news, if that situation arises ?
Check out the availability of counselling, perhaps through the clinic you'll be attending for the birth, or through your Obstetrician or GP --- you surely deserve to be able right now, and through the period that is approaching, to be able to discuss what's happening, and to explore your options, with a counsellor ?
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