Ask an expert
Question

15 Jun 2011

Im I a bad wife?
I''ve been married almost six months and the way my husband treats me makes me feel like I''ve made a mistake. Im not sure whether I love him anymore. He has told me to write down all the things that he needs to do and told me that its my responsibility to remind him to do these things. We both work and Im the first person to wake up and take a bath and prepare him lunch and make sure that his clothes are ironed and all that stuff. When we are late he blames me and says I should wake him and insists that he wakes up but I feel he is an adult I shouldn''t be rquired to do this. He has told me that he is disappointed with me as a wife. This morning he told me Im untidy because I don''t remind him to wash his car or to clean it inside. He says I don''t support him because I don''t do the things he wants me to do. These are just a few things he has said to me. Am I a bad wife?I feel like this marriage is about him and not about us, that I am to fullfill all his needs but he doesn''t even care about ny needs.
Answer 432 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Maybe, at a stretch, he needs you to point out to him where he is failing or bothering you, but to expect you to REMIND him of these ? And then he'll complain of nagging ?
Read Lysistrata, the ancient Greek legend. Stop making his lunch, stop ironing his clothes - "as a reminder of what he needs to do ". Reming him, just once, to buy an alarm clock, if he can't wake on time.
Tell him he can't be disappointed with you "as a wife" as he seems to know nothing of what a husband or wife are or do - but you understand that he's disappointed with you as a mother to his aging child. And gently suggest that YOu are disappointed, as you thought you were marrying an adult man.
If he fails to notice the car is dirty without your remidner, does he need spectacles ?
YOU not doing everything he wants of you, is unsupportive. But HIM not doing anything you want of him, is not ?
Good grief, had you actually MET this guy before geting married ? Or did he successfully hide all this stuff until after the ceremony ?
He's supposed to be a Big Boy now, and behave like a real adult.
I rather like the suggestion that you set up an interview for him, for entry into a creche.
Would he acept entering some marriage counselling ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.