Ask an expert
Question

15 Mar 2003

Inlove or not
I was involved with a 28 year old and it's been two months since i last saw or heard from him and we've called it quits before cause i found out that he was still involved with the mother of his child and yet he lied to me about them, but the problem is i cant let go of him i've tried to move on with my life recently i've meet an interesting guy who is crazy about me as im about him but him. But problem is i cant let go of the feelings i have for him dont know whether it's because we used to made great love together or maybe we enjoyed each other's company. Help me please i want to forget about him and move on with my life can't dwell on the past. This problem is putting a strain on my relationship cause i can't be honest to my partener about my feelings.
Answer 371 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

zhane, be careful not to re-enact in this new relationship, the erors that your former bf made in that relationship. He was the mother of another woman's child, unfaithful to you, and a liar. Is that loveable ? Yet you're pining after him, and not being "honest" with your new partner about these feelings.
It's not actually true that you "cannot" let go of your feelings for the louse who left you --- the fact is that you haven't done so, and don't want to, and haven't chosen to do so ; not that you cannot. He's a bad habit you need to treat like other bad habits. When thoughts of him come to mind, deliberaely replace them with remembering the bad things he did, and his untrustworthyiess, and congratulate yourself for being free from him, then switch your concentration back to current issues and activities. Don't allow yourself to set around and moon sentimentally over falsely rosy images of "how great it was". It wasn't that great, or he wouldn't have fathered anyone else's child, and you would still be together and happy. Work, rather, on making the present relationship honest and happy.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.