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22 Jul 2005

Is he over- reacting?
Last night my finace' came home early and we were talking about how our relationship is falling to pieces and then we tried to think of ways to save it. Shame, he was even crying. So we just went to bed. And then this morning, he starts moaning at me coz I did not cuddle and hold him last night. My God! (excuse the language). I told him that I thought he wanted to be left alone. He said that I was assuming that he wanted to be left alone. And then when I ask him why he never came to cuddle by me and hold me, then he has a whole different story. Then he still says that he sees where our relationship is going and it was such a waste.
Then he says that he is leaving for work and then he gets cross with me for not coming down stairs and giving him a kiss. He just told me that we are over and then he gets angry coz I won't give him a kiss.
Now our relationship is over bcoz I never cuddled with him last night.
Is he over-reacting?
I am ready to leave this relationship - I love him to bits but he cannot blame me for every problem in this relationship. He always does this and I cannot take it anymore.
Answer 425 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like both of you, and especially on this occasion, him, need to learn that it is NEVER fair to expect your partner to be a skilled clairvoyant or mind-reader. It's not fair to complain when they don't do for you something you never asked for. YEs, in a sense he is over-reacting, but this is probably a marker that he felt much more nakedly exposed and scared for talking frankly about his feelings within the relationship, than you realized.
Be the bigger person, and apologise not for what he thought you did wrong ( which you didn'[t do wrong ) but for what you did --- on the lines of I'm sorry I didn't appreciate how bad you were feeling last night, and how much a cuddle would have meant to you --- I find it hard to read situations like that and to feel sure about what you would or wouldn't welcome. Help me to get better skilled at that. And in return, I'll be glad to help you appreciate more clearly when I feel similarly needy.
And try to persuade him that you would both benefit a great deal from getting involved in relationship counselling.
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