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30 Jan 2009

IS IT TIME THAT I CALLED IT A DAY?
I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Of that 3 years, we only spent about 5 months physically in each others company. By his own admission, my b/f says he has a low self esteem. I found this to be like a time bomb waiting to explode the relationship. I have tried to build up his confidence, I coach him, motivate and help him through personal problems that he experiences at work. I give him possible solutions and options and show him possible ways of how he could solve problems he is experiencing.
However, when I confide in him about any perosnal problem I am experiencing, he blames me for it and uses it against me. He also does not support me emotionally and psychologically. This really hurts me because feel that I try so hard to build him up, but he breaks me down. I have stopped confiding in him these days.
I find that he is constantly competitive with me (not in a nice, playful way) - he seems to be comparing himself to me to see how he is faring.
He seems to be in a power struggle with me. Although he says he wants me to be his equal, in practice, he wants me to be subservient to him and to obey his orders. I sometimes find that very difficult especially when I disagree with what he wants me to do. If I don' t agree with him, he does not discuss the issue with me and rationally come to an agreement, but instead becomes uncooperative, obstructive and very rude. He does not communicate, but only uses expletives.
I also find that when we are together in each other' s company, he embarrasses me in public - a form of emotional abuse. He does that almost all times when we have been together in a public space. He also appears to be playing mind games with me, and manipulates me.

I have tried very hard to make this relationship work because I care about him deeply and feel that I can help him. I was also told by a previous B/F that I don' t try hard enough to make a relationship work, and that I don' t know how to committ.

Do you think that I should, however, walk away from this relationship while my sanity is still intact, or is it still worth trying?


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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Long distance relationships are always difficult. But if he has self-esteem problems, he should be seeing a shrink wherever he is, and solving those issues. YOu seem to go beyond encouraging him to get the professional help he needs ( eg CBT ) and seem to be almost trying to be a therapist yourself. You can't make this relationship work --- on your own, and it doesn't sound as though he is putting much effort in it, to match your efforts. It really doesn't sound as though there's much in this for you.
If you hav e to keep putting so much work into it, that's a job, not a relationship
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