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25 Jul 2011

Is my child being abused?
Hi doc...welcome back!
Ok....the thing is this: My little one, aged 3yr said yesterday, out of the blue: Daddy peed on my face...he is bad, he makes me very angry...I don''''t like him. In front of my husband. We were both very surprised....My husband loves this little boy very much. My husband says he doesn''''t know about anything and that I musn''''t make to big deal of it. I''''m confused...do I just leave this as child talk or do I take him to a therapist for assessment...I can''''t risk the chance of my husband being accused of child abuse...how do they prove that such a little child is talking the truth?
With this being said...my oldest son(aged 7 yr) started acting out badly the last 3 months...aggression, depression, anxiety, ect. Has been seen by a child psichiatrist...been diagnosed with ODD and anxiety, been put on meds now...much better. But just before this ODD behavior started me and my husband had a huge family fight....because I found porn and dating sites on the internet....my hb felt that if I don''t trust him he will leave...and almost did...the 2 boys witnessed all this terrible fighting....Later it turned out that the internet porn things were my son exploring the internet...his older friends told him about the sites. Since then my oldest son was very interested in his private parts....I even caught him in the bath with his brother, where his brother were kissing his privates ect....I got the impression the oldest was telling little one what to do. My little one also told me yesterday that his brother peed on his chest and arms in the bath, but because his language skills is so poor, it''s difficult to know what he is saying...he will also say stuff like I will poo on your head, the dog peed on my face ect.
Please advise me...I don''t want to distroy my lovely husband, our relationship, but I also have a responsibility to protect my little boy who witnissed all the aggression and temper meltdowns of his brother!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I wasn't back! They opened the forum much too early !
Anyway. An upsetting event, and not easy to assess. Its not so much an issue of testing the truth of what the child said, but understanding what he meant. As you know, all couples fight, but fighting in front of the children is ALWAYS a really bad idea.
What is happening between the children shouldn't lead to panic, as it can be part of ordinary child experimentation which most of the time we aren't aware of. But your later comments sound like the younger one talks spontaneously of peeing or pooing on people, or vice versa, as a sort of swear word, as a way of indicating anger, rather than actually with its literal meaning. That is the most likely significance of his comment about his father - that he at times feels angry and chooses the ugliest image he can think of to indicate this.
Having him calmly assessed by the child shrink you saw his brother ( and who presumably therefore understands the family dynamics ) might well be useful, to help you all to calm down and understand each other better.

Sorry for the delay in responding, but my instructions were ignored. This forum was supposed to be CLOSED to all messages throughout Thursday 21st and right through Monday 25th and only to re-open on Tuesday 26th. As my instructions were ignored I am horrified to discover a very large number of questions that should not have been possible to post, which have of course been unanswered while I was away. This makes me very angry and disappointed. I will try to respond as best I can, though very long message cannot possibly achieve full attention.
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