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03 Aug 2011

Is this anything you know?
Could you please tell me if this sounds like a psychiatric/psychological condition to you or if I think I have problem that I really don''t have?

I just feel that I''m not as smart as I wish. People often patronize me too. I''m in my mid-twenties and lead a more or less independent life. However, I find it hard to concentrate all the time. I concentrate for a few seconds and miss the few seconds after. Always like that. I miss sentences. I will automatically say " yes"  even when I didn''t actually hear what people said. Or I only hear part of it and when they say something really interesting, then I wish I had paid attention from the beginning. I do try to focus and I keep telling myself to concentrate but other thoughts invade my mind. It''s like a magnet. Trying to concentrate and not to think about anything else is EXACTLY like trying to get away from a magnet. I blame myself. I wonder if I''m lazy. Daydreaming is something I love, while paying attention depends on the content. Maybe I taught myself to daydream?

Growing up, I was always sad, so I often locked myself in my room and daydreamed. I focused my sight on the ceiling and then I didn''t even see the ceiling, I just saw my pleasant thoughts. I was especially irritated when people called me to go do something as I wanted to spend every waking minute daydreaming. Even my teachers at school got angry with me and would hit me to " wake"  me up. Despite this, I did well in school. I liked school most of the time and had an interest in nearly every subject. Especially after during high school and university, my marks were pretty good. I was very disciplined too. But I never thought I was particularly intelligent. Average maybe, but on my pictures of when I was a baby I looked mentally retarded and that has always bothered me. Even now, I wonder if I look mentally challenged because a few people treat me like a 5-year-old. I''ve done 2 IQ tests before, in which I scored 125 and 131, respectively, but the score being so high, I doubt the online tests are accurate.

I know my mom had a difficult pregnancy because she was the only person in the family who wanted me to live. A sister of mine who is a doctor even gave my mom some medicine, to cause abortion, which my mom refused to take. Besides that, my mom has a mentally retarded sister, my grandfather got dementia (or similar) in his 50''s, my mother doesn''t seem like she would have an IQ above 80, and I grew up in a very abusive environment, with my father always hitting us for insignificant reasons and making us feel low about ourselves. He''s a very intelligent man, but he must have some psychological issues. I also experienced three deaths between the ages of 7 and 10, one of which I''ve never been able to forget because it was so unfair that that particular child (friend of mine) should have such a painful death after all horrible things he had already experienced in life.

There are times when I feel completely normal, as if I had forgotten about my past, but as soon as something bad happens to me (relationships, work, etc.), I get very sad and all motivation to live is gone, and I just want to sit in a corner all alone and look into the emptiness around. This feeling sometimes lasts just an hour, sometimes two days in a row. It depends on what happens to me. If a friend calls me to cheer me up, the feeling decreases or disappears completely. But then it comes again, when the next thing happens. And that''s when I start thinking about my concentration problems, IQ-related issues, how attractive/unattractive I am...

Is this a condition you know or is this normal, since it''s not depression? I don''t think I''m bipolar either. I can have sudden feelings of happiness when something very good happens, but it''s usually just like butterflies in my stomach. They only last a few seconds or minutes and then I calm down. Is this all normal? I would be so relieved if it was. I often think I could overcome all this if only I knew it''s nothing. But when I think maybe I need a little help, then I worry that such help is not coming before next Spring (I''m on a waiting list to talk to a psychologist) and I worry I''m getting older and everything is still not so good.

Thanks in advance.
Answer 425 views

01 Jan 0001

Do they think you're not as smart as you wish you were, or not as smart as you'd like to be - or not as smart as you actually are ?
Sad and lonely people often learn to daydream more than most of us, even more so when they grew in an abusive setting, and may come to prefer it to dull reality, but as you've noticed, this isn't a useful habit.
There are so many possible alternative diagnoses or possible causes for the problems you describe, ONLY a proper, direct, in-person assessment by a psychologist would be able to identify what, if anything , is wrong, and what would be the best options for dealing with it.
The other thing that comes across rather strongly in your long message is that you sound utterly unoccupied - if you had more to do, many of these problems would probably be less noticeable
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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