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20 Feb 2003

Is this love / some kind of a joke ?
I have a boyfriend of more than 3 yrs now & we're staying togethor. The problem is that I red his sms's one day and I found some from the ex and I confronted him. He says he doesn't know why she's sending him messages and he has tried to stop her, but what I don't understand is why he's keeping them. Then again I found a message from someone else saying she want's to grow old with him, then a message from someone else saying u should've called to tell me u're not coming. He spends most of the time with me and once he's not around I start to think he's with one of the girls. I just don't know what to do & there's no way I can confront him because I have no right to read hi sms's.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I find this issue of reading someone else's SMS messages arising more and more often ; and perhaps we need to devise an agreed code of conduct about these. As they can be read by others, it seems careless or stupid for someone to fail to erase them unless they are part of significant ongoing business. Maybe the equivalent in the old days, was reading your partner's letters ? Or is it more like overhearing someone's unwise telephone call ?
Within a sound relationship, there should be no need to keep one's SMS secret from one's partner ; so te fact that someone insists on secrecy for their cellphone already suggests something illicit going on.
But in this situation, you already read his SMS, and confronted him ( and he didn't explain why, if he hadn't sought those messages from his ex, and didn't expect or want them, he had kept them ). But then there's a twist in the tail --- after he knew you HAD read his SMS, he still left the phone lying round so you could check them again, and left unerased suggestive messages from another woman. Why would he do that ? Is he trying to convey some sort of message to you ?
I can undestand hesitation the first time, when confronting him would necessarily reveal that you had read his SMS --- but now he knows that you have -- and now you have more reasons to be seriously suspicious, why not confront him again ? These messages certainly sound like they desrve an explanation. Or --- what was the date of them ? Could they have been Valentine's Day spoofs ?
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